


Drunk at a Wedding

by NightCourt_HighLady



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-05-19
Packaged: 2018-10-03 01:35:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10232738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightCourt_HighLady/pseuds/NightCourt_HighLady
Summary: What if Rhys really had gotten drunk before he saved Feyre from marrying Tamlin?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Saw the Tumblr post about this. Began to think. Mistakes were made. Fics were written.
> 
> I might add more on to this later, but I'm not sure. I didn't actually mean for this fic to happen, I'm in the middle of like twelve others.
> 
> So yeah. Enjoy.

Thunder cracked behind me, as if two boulders had been hurled against each other.

People screamed, falling back, a few vanishing outright as darkness erupted.

I whirled, and through the night drifting away like smoke on  wind, I found Rhysand brushing leaves off of his black jacket from where he fell. 

“Hello, Feyre darling,” he purred, a dangerous glint in his blurry eyes.

He began to walk toward me, taking in the scene behind me that I had suddenly stopped caring about. I wasn’t sure if anyone else noticed, but I could see him wobble just slightly as he walked. 

“What a pretty little wedding,” Rhysand said, stuffing his hands into his pockets. I wasn’t seeing things yet, he  _ was _ stumbling just slightly. It took him longer than usual to get his hands into his pockets.

He too was ignoring the rest of the scene around us. I could  _ feel _ his eyes travelling up and down my body as though he was a starving man and I was a feast. His eyes darkened when he saw my gloves, my dress. As much as I hated the thing, I felt angry at his displeasure.

“It’s time to call in the bargain,” he said to me softly. I shook my head, blood draining from my face. His face simply darkened. “I gave you three months of freedom,” the last word was a snarl. How on earth could he know? “You could at least look happy to see me.” All I could do was shake. He just looked at me. A flash of hurt filled his face, his eyes. “You seemed to be in some distress,” he drawled. “I thought you could use some backup.”

Rhys’s face was darkened by an anger that frightened me. He finally reached me and draped an arm across my shoulders. Without warning, I was essentially holding him up. This close, I could smell the alcohol on him. 

I continued to shake, but held him up anyway, thinking about the hurt I saw when I flinched away from him. 

“Rhysand-” Tamlin began.

‘I’m in no mood to bargain with you. I’m sure I could work it to my advantage, but it’s time for Feyre and I to go.” I looked at Tamlin, knowing my eyes were filled with fear. He was taking me to the Night Court, the place Amarantha had supposedly modeled Under the Mountain after, full of depravity and torture and death-

“Hold on,” he whispered into my ear, holding me close to his side.

Then darkness roared, a wind tearing me this way and that, the ground falling away beneath me, the world gone around me. Only Rhys remained. All I could hear was a small voice in the back of my mind  _ you’re safe, you’re safe, you’re safe. You won’t be hurt. You’re safe. No one can hurt you now. _ Rhys?

Before I could realize what was happening, the darkness fanished.

I smelled jasmine first- then saw stars. A sea of stars flickering beyond glowing pillars of moonstone that framed the sweeping view of endless snowcapped mountains.

‘Welcome to the Night Court,” was all Rhys said.

I admired the view for all of five minutes before I whirled on Rhys.

“Why did you do that?” I yelled.

“What?” he asked in a hard voice, “Rescue you?”

“I didn’t want to be rescued!” I argued.

“Yes you did,” he roared, “the only damn reason I waited so long was because you were  _ happy  _ with that creature. You  _ wanted _ to be with him and for as long as you were happy I was going to let you marry him in peace whether it killed me or not!”   
“What do you care if I’m happy or not!” I yelled back, completely baffled and quite angry at this point.

“Because you’re my gods damned mate and I just want you to be happy again!” I felt like I’d been slapped. I took a small step back.

“What did you say?” I whispered. His eyes met mine in growing horror.

“I wasn’t going to tell you like this,” he rasped, “Not when you want  _ him. _ Not when you’re so scared and still bleeding from everything you were put through under that Mountain. Not when I’m… like this.” I was at a loss for words. Like what? Drunk? Raw? Hurting? He closed his eyes for a few moments before looking back into mine.

“Can we..” he swallowed, “Can we talk about this in the morning? I think we could both do with some sleep.” 

I nodded. He slowly walked toward me, watching to see if I flinched.

I didn’t.

When he reached me, he took one of my shaking hands in his. I could see that he was shaking too, raw emotion in his eyes for once. In some ways, he was more real when he was drunk. Too real. His masks slipped. All of them.

I took him in. His eyes were red rimmed and shadowed by dark circles. He looked tan, as though he’d spent every minute of the last three months outside. If he had, I envied him. 

“Oh Feyre,” he whispered desperately, “I’m so so sorry.” He looked down at his own feet.

Not understanding what drove me, only wanting him to stop hurting, I reached my free hand, my tattooed one, and placed it on his wrist. 

We were both shaking, both scared. He looked back up at me. I knew in a flash that I could hurt him now. If I hurt him now, I could end this whole thing. I could go back to Tamlin and Rhysand would never trouble us again.

Yet I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t break him. Perhaps because I really had needed to be rescued today. Perhaps because he let his mask slip before with me. Perhaps it was because I saw him fight for me when no one else would. When my dead body was cooling and there wasn’t any me to fight for he fought for me.

“We can talk in the morning,” I said gently. He gifted me with a small, true smile. I returned one to him.

“Take the stairs on the right, one level down. Your room is the first door. Sleep well, Feyre.”

“Sleep well, Rhys.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning, Feyre decides to let Rhys explain himself. He deserves to have his mate hear him out, right? What Feyre learns about Rhys- and his court- will surprise her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You asked, I delivered! And now there's STILL MORE for me to write. I can't believe I've pulled myself into another fic. Whoops.
> 
> Feyre may seem a little bit out of character, but I imagined that she was a little less dead inside when she came to the Night Court for the first time. A little feistier, a little more open, a little less dark inside. 
> 
> And it helps that she's not immediately assuming that Rhys is the enemy now that she knows he's her mate. Since she's still wide open as far as the shields are concerned, Rhys realizes that she's willing to listen. He's taking advantage of it while he can.
> 
> Hope you enjoy another installment of this AU!

When I woke up the next morning, I didn’t panic. It was as though I still knew where I was even in my sleep. Outside of my windows, there were snow-capped mountains. 

The events from the previous day resurfaced and I felt what little color was in my face drain away.

Rhysand was my mate. 

My first thoughts were of fear and horror. But... But.

He had been gentle with me. Gentler than he was with anyone else. He’d taken away Clare’s pain when they tortured her. He was open with me, trusted me, when he  _ knew _ I could have gotten exactly what I wanted by giving him away. He had healed me. He could have demanded anything, any payment. All he demanded was a week of my time every month. He’d helped me with the riddle I couldn’t read. And he’d fought for me. He was the only one under that mountain who had bothered to fight for me, even Tamlin never fought. He had fought to undermine Amarantha from the inside, leading me to wonder: why had he done it? Why had he given himself to her? What did he have to protect?

And then there was all of yesterday.

His actions didn’t add up.

So I was going to go in there with an open mind. I wasn’t going to yell, I wasn’t going to assign blame, I wasn’t going to be afraid.

Or if I was, I was going to try to be brave as well. After so many years of being ignored, dismissed, and assumed, Rhysand deserved to be heard. Especially by his… mate.

After dressing, I went looking for some tea. I had only been wandering around for a moment or two when I felt a gentle tug on the mate bond. I followed it and found myself in a casual, airy dining room.

Rhys looked… wrecked. His eyes were red rimmed still, and he had slight circles under them. He was staring determinedly at the teapot.

I sat down across from him, then snagged the teapot. After making myself a cup of tea, I waited.

“Please eat, Feyre,” Rhys said in a scratchy voice. I looked up in surprise. A worried expression had taken over his face. Without another word, I complied. I took some fruit and a small berry pastry that smelled divine. He waited for me to take a few bites before he spoke again.

“I’m so sorry for what I said yesterday,” he finally met my eyes.

“I’m not,” I said finally, “sorry for what you said yesterday, I mean.” He just looked confused. “I would rather know something like that,” I added. “What if I had found out after getting married? That would have been… messy. No matter what the end result was.”

“That’s true,” Rhys replied, looking uneasy.

“And I’m sorry for shouting last night,” I added. He cracked a slight smile that faded when I said his name again. “Rhys,” he stilled. “What were you fighting for? Under the Mountain.” My voice cracked a little bit at the end. He swallowed.

“I can’t tell you all everything until and unless I can swear you to secrecy. You cannot tell anyone. Not your friends in Spring, not your lover, no one.” My head tilted sideways.

“Can you tell me what you can first before I make that decision?” I was curious. I wanted to figure out the different Rhysands I had seen in the male before me. Something in my gut told me that the answer to this question was where I’d find the heart of the male before me.

“I’ll do one better,” he promised, “I’ll show you part of it as soon as you finish.” I nodded and finished my food quickly as Rhys nibbled on a flaky pastry filled with chocolate. 

Once we were done, he beckoned me to follow him as he made his way to a balcony upstairs. 

And standing on the balcony was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Something twisted a little in my chest as I studied her. Her blonde curls shone in the light, providing a high contrast with the bright red dress she wore.

“Feyre,” Rhys said, “I’d like to introduce you to my cousin, Morrigan. Morrigan, meet Feyre Cursebreaker.” Cousin? She turned suddenly, brown eyes crinkling at the corners as her lips turned up in a smile.

“Feyre!” she said. “I’m so excited to finally meet you, I’ve heard so much about you! Ignore my stuffy cousin, I’m just Mor.” I smiled slightly at her, realizing all at once that she hadn’t been Under the Mountain. Was he telling me that he was protecting his family?

“Hello,” I said softly, “It’s nice to meet you.” Her face lit, and she launched herself into hugging me. She was so quick I almost didn’t have time to give her a quick hug back.

“Rhys,” her tone turned slightly more serious, “The others are upstairs, they want to talk to you.” 

“Perfect,” he smiled, “I think Feyre should meet them too.” Mor looked at him in confusion and he just shook his head. So she shrugged.

As he led me out to “the others,” I felt around blindly for the source of my end of our bond. I ended up just sort of thinking at him.  _ You were trying to hide her? _

_ Not just her. There were many things I hid from those Under the Mountain. _

With that, he opened the door to reveal three others. Two of them looked very like Rhys, with olive skin, dark hair, and wings like the ones that he hid so regularly. One was bulkier with longer hair and two red stones on the backs of his hands. The other was thinner, with blue stones on the backs of his hands and shadows surrounding him. 

The third… I had no words for her.

Outwardly, she looked like High Fae. She had black hair that was brutally chopped to trace her jawline and slivery eyes. Smooth, tan skin.

But she wasn’t a Fae. All of my instincts screamed. I stood as tall as I could, looking straight at her. She twitched a grin at me. And not a reassuring one either.

“So there are two of us now.” She continued at my confused glance. “We who were born something else- and found ourselves trapped in new, strange bodies.” Despite my fear, I warmed to her slightly. Everything in me told me that I did  _ not _ want to know what she’d been previously. But I couldn’t help but feel sympathy for her. If I was confused, overwhelmed, and lost in my new body, similar enough to my old one, how had she coped. 

As though overhearing my thoughts, she quirked an eyebrow. I shrugged minutely. To my, and Rhys’s, immense surprise, she gave me a genuine smile.   

“This is Azriel, Cassian, and Amren,” Rhys said finally. “Everyone, this is Feyre Cursebreaker.”

“Hello,” I said quietly again. 

Everyone returned the favor, and then Amren looked at Rhys.

“Rhys,” she drawled, “I apologize for the interruption. We can do without you for the day I believe, the question was not pressing.”

“Alright,” Rhys shrugged in confusion when I stared at him.

Soon, we were sitting across from each other again, this time in a library.

“That is my court,” he told me finally, “I grew up with Mor, my third, as well as Cass and Az. They’re my general and spymaster respectively. Amren, my second, trained me.” I waited for him to continue. “When I realized what was happening, that my powers were being stripped, I hid… something with them. The wards hiding it were tied to them so they could not leave the city. I stripped all knowledge of this thing I was hiding from the minds of anyone there who knew of it. Then I proceeded to do everything in my power to keep Her eyes off my court.

“Everything I’ve done, the reputations that I’ve built, have all been to hide this thing and protect my people. All of them.” His violet eyes bore into mine. 

For my part, I was stunned. Yet it made perfect sense to me. He had wrecked himself in every way to save those he loved. The two different people I sometimes saw when I looked at him locked into a single person. Someone very like myself.

“No matter what happens at the end of all this, no matter what we decide, I swear that I will not reveal anything about your secret to anyone,” I told him in a strong voice.

Eyes wide, Rhys just stared at me. Then slowly, ever so slowly, a smile spread across his face.

“Then let’s go to Velaris.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rhys and Feyre explore Velaris

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's some more of this. I have too much of this in my head. I cannot believe I let myself get sucked into another fic. Haha enjoy!

“Where’s Velaris?” I asked immediately. That rogueish grin remained on his face.

“Can you bring yourself to trust me?” Rhys asked as he moved over to one of the windows.

“You’re trusting me,” I pointed out. Then I gasped as he spread his wings gleefully and held out his arms.

“I won’t drop you, Feyre,” he promised. I hesitated once more, then walked over to him and allowed him to pick me up. 

To my immense surprise, after the initial fear, I loved flying. Rhys could tell, I was sure.

“Later, I’ll teach you how to shield,” he said, “And,” he hesitated, “I’d like to also teach you to read and write. I can teach them together, you should know both. Shielding is vital now that you’re going to Velaris.” 

_ Alright, _ I thought at him. 

_ Imagine that the bond is a bridge. You are at one end and I the other. If you wish to speak to me, simply send your mental voice across the bridge _ .

_ Thank you, _ I replied when I realized how much easier it was to make myself understood.

“You’re welcome.” 

We landed in front of a small townhouse. Rhys took me inside and showed me to a room. Nuala and Cerridwen were waiting for me with warm clothing. Outside of the wards on the House of the Wind, as Rhys had told me it was called, it was still winter. 

Soon I was waiting for him at the door.

“Can you start teaching me these things when we return to wherever I’ll be staying?”

“Of course, Feyre darling,” that rogeish grin was back for a moment. “Are you ready to see my city? The true, hidden heart of the Night Court? The place and the people who I gave up everything for?” I nodded. 

“How were you able to hide a city?” I asked around the lump in my throat.

“It was already hidden. Few people knew about it and I erased the knowledge from their minds as soon as I felt my power draining. I tied the wards to the members of my court so that they couldn’t leave. I made a choice, Feyre. It was these people or no one. I chose them. And then I made sure that that creature never looked at my court twice again.” The blood drained out of my face. 

“Until the very end,” I whispered, remembering the horrible sound he made when he hit the wall.

“Until the very end,” he agreed. He paused, then spoke again. “I know that you’ve heard many mixed things about me. If you were anyone other than my mate, I wouldn’t even bother to say this. But please, when you hear all of those horrible things, remember. Remember that I stayed in character through everything that they put me through, that she put me through, that she made me do to prove my trustworthiness. The first time I ever broke character was for you.”

I stared.

“Why?” I asked, appalled, “Why me?” 

“Because the first taste of joy I’d had in fifty years,” he murmured, “were in my dreams of a young human woman painting flowers on a table. When I saw her, saw her peace, I gave her an image of the night sky- something that calmed me. I saw her over and over in dreams for months. Finally I realized that she was in Prythian. And on Calanmai, I got a chance to meet the beautiful human woman in my dreams.” I took a step back.

“It was you,” my voice shook. “It was you. We had this dresser,” I was speaking quickly now. “It was rickedy but Elain bought me paint one year so I decided to decorate the house. I painted flowers on the table, though they were all the wrong colors. But the dresser. We each had a drawer. Elain, my kind sister who loved to grow things, had a drawer covered in flowers. Nesta, my firey sister with a temper, had flames.”

“What-” he stopped, then started again. “What was yours?”

“The night sky.”

We stared at each other, this moment of connection hanging between us as defined as the bond we shared. After a moment, I stepped closer to him. I gently placed my hand on his arm.

“Thank you,” I told him.

“For what?” he asked confused.

“For wanting to share your happiness with me.” For the first time, Rhys actually looked completely flabbergasted. “Not just then,” I continued, “But now. If you would do… everything you’ve done, for these people, this city, then it must bring you great joy.” After a few moments, Rhys swallowed hard and placed his hand on top of mine.

“Yes, yes they do,” he said quietly, “And it would be my privilege to share it with you.” 

Wandering through the city was a wonder. There were four markets, and we only made it to two. The people were what caught my attention the most. The lesser Fae. They were different than those that I’d met in the Spring Court, different from the few Summer Court faeries I’d seen as well. And they seemed so relaxed with Rhys there. They treated him as one of their own. Someone deserving of respect, but one of their own nonetheless.

Without any warning, I smelled something familiar. Paint. I stopped.

“This,” Rhys said with pardonable pride in his voice, “is the Rainbow of Velaris. This is what Velaris was famous for: the artists quarter. Theaters, music halls, painters, sculptors, anyone who claims any art is welcome there.”

I simply stood. I hadn’t painted since I’d become a High Fae. I couldn’t see the paintings in my mind anymore. That part of myself was hollow and broken. I could feel Rhys watching me. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to go in and try to find it again. My greatest fear was going back to it to find that I really had nothing left inside. He placed a gentle hand on my shoulder.

“Let’s go back,” Rhys suggested. 

By the time we had returned to the townhouse, I had pulled myself somewhat out of the darkness inside my head.

“How hard is shielding?” I asked finally. He seemed relieved to see me talking again.

“Not very,” he replied. “You just need to think of a wall between you and the world and hold it there.” A wall of adamant slammed down. He looked surprised. “Good!”

“Thank you,” I replied with a small smile.

“I’ll take you into the library,” he replied, “We can assess where to start with reading and writing as well.” 

“Alright,” I replied, “Lead the way.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feyre goes back to the Spring Court after her week in Velaris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this may or may not be the end of it. I haven't decided.

The night before I was to return to Spring, I went looking for Rhys. I found him in an office, working through some paperwork.

“Rhys?” I asked. He looked up and his face tightened slightly. I knew I was shielding but he likely knew why I was there.

“Yes?”

“Are there others who can winnow other than you in your court?”

“Mor can,” he said cautiously.

“I-” I paused then continued. “Can she be the one to take me back tomorrow?” His face went blank, wiped clean of all emotion. I decided to give him a little more detail than I planned. “I’d like to talk to Tamlin about a few of the things we discussed this week. My powers and all? And someone who can back me up would be useful. I’d ask you but due to your problems with each other, that would cause more harm than good.” His face loosened the smallest bit. His body relaxed slightly.

“Of course,” he replied. “It’s vital that you get some training soon, and Mor is very good at swaying opinions.”

“Thank you,” I said shyly. He looked at me confused, but smiled ever so slightly.

“You’re welcome.”

 

~~~~~

 

The next morning, I didn’t see Rhys. Mor, however, was waiting at the breakfast table with a slightly sad expression on her face.

“Are you ready?” she asked as soon as I finished. I just nodded.

In a blink, I was back in the suffocating Spring Court. I turned to Mor.

“Do you trust me?” I asked.

“Yes.” There was no hesitation. I nodded.

“Then wait here, I’ll be back.” Her face broke into a sudden smile. “I know some things are going to be said that Rhys does not need to hear,” I added. I hesitated and then spoke again. “If something goes drastically wrong, I’ll scream.” She nodded.

Without another word, I walked back into that house for what would likely be the last time.

When I arrived, Tamlin and Lucian were having breakfast still.

“Feyre!” Tamlin said when I came inside, “I’m so glad you’re safe!” He stood up to hug me and was shocked when I took a step back.

“I need to talk to you,” I told him. His face darkened a little bit.

“What did he do.” Tamlin said in a flat, dead voice.

“He didn’t do anything,” I assured him. “But I found out something that you need to know.” Suddenly Tamlin looked interested again.

“What’s that?”

“He’s-” I stopped, biting my lip. This was going to be disastrous. I could feel it in my bones. “He’s my mate.” Both males froze.

“He. Is. WHAT.”

“He’s my mate,” I explained. “I didn’t know that was why I could hear him, I always could. I thought it was that bargain but it was the mate bond because I don’t know anything about them. He didn’t realize it until right after.. Right after I was reMade. And I was with you, so he left me alone. He didn’t want to tell me and turn my life upside down. He thought I was happy. He wasn’t even going to cash in on the bargain.” I took a deep breath before continuing.

“But he could feel how scared I was during the wedding. I was having a panic attack. That’s why he came for me. He told me about the bond while I was there.” I didn’t tell Tamlin that Rhys had told me drunk, that wouldn’t help my case. Tamlin and Lucian just stood there. Frozen.

“This doesn’t change anything,” Tamlin said to me.

“Of course it does,” I argued. “He’s my mate, he deserves a chance. I’m sorry Tamlin, more sorry than I can say. But you’re the one who told me that the mate bond is sacred, special. If my own mate doesn’t deserve a chance, then who does?” His face darkened as I spoke.

“Fine,” he spat. “Fine. If that’s what you want, then get out. Get out of my house and leave my land and go stay with your _whore._ ”

My vision went red.

“Don’t you ever call him that again,” I said from between gritted teeth.

“Don’t like the truth? That creature sat by Amarantha’s side and _helped_ her. The woman who _killed_ you. And you want to stay with him? You want to go live in the house with _Amarantha’s Whore_?”

“I said,” my voice turned soft, deadly, “Don’t you _ever_ call him that _AGAIN_!” On the last word, I exploded.

I was a column of flame. Every ounce of my anger and fury at his hypocrisy was flowing through me and out of my pores as pure flame. The room darkened, the sun beginning to be obscured by the darkness flowing through the room. Dimly, through my fury, I could see Lucian’s bald fear. Even Tamlin looked afraid for the first time since we’d returned to this stifling house.

“Never darken my life again,” I said, pointing at Tamlin. Before either male could speak, I spun on my heel and walked out of the room, spreading the darkness before me.

Mor looked like she was in shock when I found her right outside of the house.

“I heard screaming,” she explained. “Do you think you could turn that off? At least the flames? We need to get back before they recover.” Her words were like a bucket of cold water, dousing the flames instantly. I collapsed.

“I’m okay,” I rasped. “I’ve just never had that happen before. I’d like to leave please?” Without another word, she grabbed me. In a few moments, we were in front of the townhouse again.

I heard him before I saw him.

“Mor? Are you okay? You’ve been gone a whi-” he stopped when he saw me hanging on to Mor, smelling of smoke and darkness. “Feyre?” I smiled at him slightly.

“You came back,” he said, wonder in his voice. Mor said nothing, only handed me to him with a smile.

“I only went back,” I rasped, “Because I had unfinished business in that court.” I held up my left hand. It was empty, the engagement ring had melted off when I blew up like a volcano.

He brought me into the townhouse, tucking me onto the couch with a cup of tea and a blanket. I let him fuss. It was nice to have someone who cared about me as something other than an arm ornament.

“What the hell happened?” he asked bluntly.

“I don’t have the words to describe it,” I said finally. “And I don’t want to repeat some of the things that were said. I asked Mor because I didn’t want you to have to hear them. And because I knew you’d be hard pressed to sit and wait for me while I tidied up behind myself.“ He hesitated.

“Will you show me? I can take it,” he promised. I studied him for a moment, then showed him. When he came out of my memory, his face was somewhat shadowed. But also joyful.

“I’m sorry for what he said,” I told him.

“I’m used to it,” he explained.

“You shouldn’t be,” I replied softly. He smiled at me.

“Did you mean it?” He asked suddenly. “Do you really want to give me- us- a chance?”

“You’re my mate for a reason,” I said, “You deserve at least a chance.”

His face lit up in a brilliant smile.

“Thank you, Feyre.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like a lot of their sniping wasn't just due to each other healing, but to the guilt Feyre held for feeling like she could have been cheating on Tamlin or moving on too quickly. Her knowing they're mates gets rid of some of that guilt. 
> 
> Let me know if you think this needs or deserves more please!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feyre makes some interesting realizations- and decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hai guys.
> 
> So I disappeared off the face of the planet, sorry!
> 
> On the up side, I managed to get married, go on my honeymoon, come back, unpack, and start work again in this time period so I was of some use.
> 
> Also- ACOWAR THOUGH <3 
> 
> Bless. My husband drove me all over town to get the silly thing because the Barnes and Noble had its power out.
> 
> Anyway, I think it's time to finally finish this poor thing. I've got an epilogue in mind but aside from that I'm basically done with it. I think I've finally tied up all the loose ends

I woke from a rather long nap on that couch to find Rhys working on paperwork in a chair nearby. I had a warm blanket thrown over me that smelled of citrus and the sea. The lighting in the room was warm, a stark contrast to the cool blacks and blues that would make up a painting of him alone. The palette flashed before my eyes for a moment before he looked up at me, banishing the thoughts of paint. 

“Sleep well?” he asked warmly. I nodded, giving him a small smile. “Are you up to going out?” 

“Out where?” I rasped, sleep still fogging my voice.

“My friends wish to have dinner with you, there’s a restaurant here in Velaris that we frequent. They will likely ask you to come dancing and drinking later in the night, but after the day you just had no one will fault you if you decline.”    
“I’d like to talk to them more and meet them,” I decided after a moment. His smile almost split his face.

“Nuala and Cerridwen are upstairs to help you freshen up before dinner.”

I wasn’t sure what to wear. After a few moments of indecisiveness, I decided on a soft, knee length dress in a navy blue shade that I liked. I wore black leggings and soft navy shoes over them. Nuala braided my hair into a crown and curled the ends while Cerridwen found me a long silver necklace with a moon and some stars hanging from it. A long black jacket would keep the chill off. 

Rhys was waiting by the door when I came back downstairs. 

“You look lovely,” he said, offering me his arm. I took it with a smile. 

Outside of the gates were Rhys’s friends. Even Amren was there. She offered me a wicked smile.

“Feyre!” Mor’s exuberance still surprised me, but was beginning to enjoy it. I let her hug me, and hugged her back. Cassian surprised me with a side hug of a sort, though kept it short when Rhys growled. I shot him a look. 

_ Don’t go getting all ‘protective’ on me now. _ I told him, allowing him to catch the double meaning. Don’t be the same. Don’t put me in a cage.

_ It’s a side effect of the mate bond. I may be a bit… aggressive when other males are nearby for a while. This problem will increase when- if- you decide to accept the bond and things… proceed normally. It fades. And I will never cage you, darling. Never fear. You are always free to make your own choices. I will do my best to keep it to myself but please understand it?..  _

I nodded slightly, meeting his eyes. Apology noted and accepted. 

In the meantime, I tried to focus on Mor instead of how relaxed and carefree Rhys looked for once. Staring seemed rude, but I couldn’t help myself.

Something else struck me: the people. They spoke to Rhys, calling him by name. He returned the favor. His people weren’t frightened of him. Perhaps some of the very few people in the world who weren’t. Seeing it made me smile slightly. These little pieces helped me build a clearer picture of the core of my mate. 

My instincts were telling me that the male I saw here in Velaris was the truest one. That the one I saw drunk was very like him. The creature from under the mountain was a mask. A wall. A means to an end. And that end was protecting those people he cared for here in this city.

A male very like me.

Very like the girl who learned to kill to save her family. The girl who killed people to save her loved ones. The girl who’d literally died to save the male she’s loved and his people from destruction.

Letting go of the vision of Rhys that I had been told was the real one was surprisingly difficult. I didn’t want to believe he was good, that he was everything he said he was. 

Why? Why didn’t I want to believe my mate was good?

The answer hit me with a shock that almost made me stop in the middle of the sidewalk.

_ I had wanted there to be a mistake. _

Again, why?

This time I did stop, but the shock of understanding made me able to ignore the staring.

Because after everything I’d been through, everything I’d done for Tamlin, I couldn’t love him anymore. Who he and I had become didn’t fit. But I’d destroyed myself for him and for that love. I had done absolutely everything. If that love that I had built this new self on was gone, who or what was I? What was the  _ point _ of all of it? All that pain, all that hatred, all that loss, all for nothing.

I thought of those who had died. I thought of Andras, for the first time in months. The first faerie I killed in anger and hatred to start this awful cycle. I thought of those two fae I had killed to end it. Those I had killed for, dare I say, love.  Clare Beddor, killed by my hand just as surely as if I’d stabbed her like I did the others. Those summer court fae. The winter court fae. Those children that were killed. I thought of my own death, that snap of my neck.

Distantly, I heard Rhys telling the others to go on, we’d be there soon. He walked over toward me slowly, stopping far enough away that he wasn’t crowding me. The depth of the sadness on his face shocked me.

“Feyre?” he said quietly. That was when I noticed the tears falling down my face. It occurred to me that he had probably seen and felt every bit of that. I felt a small spasm of pain in my chest at the thought that he’d felt those awful realizations. 

Again, I thought about my own death. I saw him flinch as I flickered through the memories. I let him see them this time, let him see what I saw. That I saw from his eyes.

_ It was the mate bond,  _ he thought at me when I remembered tugging on the bond. I saw him place that last drop of power on me. I remembered swimming through the bond, knowing that home was on the other end.

That.

That was the point.

Death doesn’t lie, what would be the point? It could have taken me then, but it promised me more. It promised me home.

Spring was no longer home. That is not what happens in a home. That hovel with my sister who hated me and the father I hated was more of a home than that manor had become.

Could this be home? Could this beautiful land of ice and snow and stars and night become home to me? 

I looked into Rhys’s star flecked eyes, open and full of nothing but hope for the first time since I’d met him.

Yes.

Yes, this place, these people, this male, could be home.

And for the first time, I was willing to let them try.

Rhys’s shining eyes told me that I didn’t need to say a word, so I simply walked over to him and placed my tattooed hand on his face. 

“Let’s go have dinner, shall we?” I simply nodded, then laced my fingers in his.


End file.
